ABE

Because others cannot vibrate in your experience, they cannot affect
the outcome of your experience. They can hold their opinions, but
unless their opinion affects your opinion, their opinion matters not
at all. A million people could be pushing against you and it would
not negatively affect you unless you push back. That million people
pushing against you are affecting their millions of vibrations. They
are affecting what happens in their experience. They are affecting
their point of attraction, but it does not affect you unless you push
against them.
Abraham-Hicks G-2/21/98, Orlando, FL
 

Guest
How much can we affect other people's interaction with us ………… Their
behavior by our imagining ?

Abe
Dramatically ! Conclusively!! Completely!!

Guest
So I can stay with the same two teenage boys and husband …………….

Abe
No they are the one exception <grin> [wild group laughter]

You see here is the way that it works. As you live with them and you
see contrasting things that do not please you. And you hold those
things that do not please you as your object of attention. Then its
reflected in your vibration so then you don't have access to what you
really want.
In other words you are a match to what you don't want rather than a
match to what you do want.
So what happens is, you have to find a way of pulling back from
observing so much what is displeasing you. And find a way to imagine
more what you do want. Or to selectively sift and give more attention
to what you do want.

Lets say that there is someone very close in your life, someone that
lives with you, and you are observing something that does not please
you. You are not setting your own tone. In other words you're letting
their behavior, and your observation of it set your tone!

So, you feel powerless because the Universe is now responding to that
that is being offered. But if you can find a way of stepping
back…………..often when they are asleep or not with you………….. and really
get your cork floating, at the same time as your holding them as your
object of attention. You'll begin to notice right away that their
behavior begins to change.

Now sometimes people say " But Abraham you said I cannot create in
someone else's experience?"
And we say, this is not creating in their experience. What it is is
setting your tone so that you have vibrational access to that part of
them. So what happens is as you are offering a consistent vibration,
then you only have access from anyone, things that match your
consistent vibration.

Extract from Abraham-Hicks tape G- 5/29/97

The perfect mate is one that makes you feel good. To be the perfect
mate, you make your partner feel good. You do this by looking for the
positive aspects in each other. You think you want to be loved, but what
you want is the feeling of love coming out of you. When the other evokes
that from you, that is why you feel loved.

You are wanting to interact with someone because you are wanting the
feeling of love to be evoked from you, and you are wanting a subject, or
a target upon which to direct your love. You are wanting the glorious
deliciousness of the physical experience. You are wanting someone who is
a friend, someone to respond, someone who seeks adventure, someone who
wants to laugh at the things you are wanting to laugh at. You have
launched long before today a very powerful creation. Keep your eyes open
for it, and stop being so guarded about it. Exaggerate, add emphasis,
talk to yourself everyday about what you are wanting. As you get up in
the morning and beat on your chest, say to yourself "Today I am going to
see evidence of the coming of my perfect mate. Today I am going to look
under every rock, around every corner, I am going to keep my eyes open
for that perfect mate. Today I am going to find, or at least get closer
to that perfect mate." Then you have awakened your guidance system! You
have stated what you want. Your guidance system is aware.

You walk into a room full of people, you feel yourself inspired to go and
talk to that one, and you say "Not that one, that one doesn’t look the
way I want." And now you are right back into the arena of lack. That
one may lead you to one who will lead you to one who will lead you to one
who will lead you to one. You cannot see the path that is before you.
If you will follow the positive emotion, you will very swiftly be drawn
to them. You see, that other one is out there looking for you! He is
saying where is she, and you are saying where is he, and we are saying we
will not play cupid. Law of attraction does a very good job of that. As
each of you focuses on what you are wanting, the connection must be.

Mating is the same as co-creating. Co-creating is the same as soul
creating. Identify what you want, pay attention to what you feel, and
you will be guided to that which you seek. Look for the positive aspects
in every one you see. As you see in another a quality that you don’t
want, and you say "Not that one, not that one." You are closing a door
that is keeping all from coming because a critical attitude about them is
keeping all of them away from you. As you begin to say "Positive aspect
there, positive aspect there" you attract to you the one that has all of
those positive aspects. In your pickiness, be a selective sifter, look
for what you are wanting, don’t guard yourself against what you are not
wanting. Never make the statement "I don’t want that one, I don’t like
that one." Make statements such as "Ooh, that is a nice one, ooh, I like
the attitude there, that one is very beautiful." As you focus on
positive aspects of others, even if they are already connected to
another, look for the positive aspects, and by doing that you attract
that into your experience.
Abraham-Hicks Tape AB-17 Mating

Q I'm new to this work. I've been doing it for about six months or so,
and I've been doing the workshop and the meditation, which is wonderful.
And one of the problems that I have is that my husband -– who is
wonderful, I adore him -– but he's very negative, and I'll do my
morning meditation and I do my workshop, and I just am elated and in
total appreciation of the Universe, and I'm totally high and I'll go
back in and he's Mr. Grumpy. And I'm....

Abe: Well, the good news is his vibration can't get into you. So
whatever you are doing that is bringing you to that place of feeling
good cannot be affected by his vibration, he cannot assert it into your
experience.

Q: Right.

Abe: And so if you acknowledge him for a moment -– you walk in, he's
Mr.Grumpy, it really hits you hard because he's in such a different place
than you are. And you take the hit, and out of it you launch a rocket of
desire which goes something like, "Gee, I wish he'd feel better. I wish
he could find some of the joy I'm finding. I wish he felt as happy in
this moment as I do." And then you turn your full attention to this
desire that's been born out of this experience, and you forget who he is
and instead pretend he is this so that you let him stimulate your
vibration relative to him in a way that feels good to you. And with a
little bit of practice, you can begin seeing him as he really is, not as
he temporarily is.

Q: Okay.


Abe: In other words, he doesn't like feeling grumpy any more than you
like him feeling grumpy, but here's the thing: so here you stand, let's
say you've been meditating, you've been walking, you're feeling really
good. You come in and, under normal circumstances, if you were just
following your bliss you would just keep running, you wouldn't even stop
at that house where the grumpy one is. (Laughter from audience.) Because
it's not a vibrational match to who you are. But you have this
obligation, in other words you have this commitment, you have this paper
that says you live there and so (more laughter) you stop there, you defy
the guidance that is within you and you do what you 'should' do rather
than what your guidance would encourage you to do otherwise.
 In other words, don't you find yourself making as many excuses as you can to do
all the other things that feel good and then you sort of drag yourself
home because the – and so there you are. You've been hit with the
negative vibration, or with the different vibration, and it doesn't feel
very good, and now in that moment you have a choice: which thought feels
better?

So now you can look at him as he is, and as you address it, whether
you're saying 'yes' to it or 'no' to it or you're saying 'this is what
it is' -– it does not matter whether you're making any judgment about
it or not -– as you observe his vibration, whatever it is, it begins
to be included in your vibration.

OTHERS cont

Abe: And you begin to feel the drowning of your cork, you begin to feel
the lowering of your vibration, you begin to feel the separation of you
from your Source energy. And then the impulse for most –- we're not
feeling it much in you, you're using light and fluffy sweet-like words
about this grumpy darling (laughter) –- as you acknowledge that he is
the temporary reason that you are not as connected to your Source energy
as you once were. Now here's where your choice comes in.
You can call that a bad thing and really be unhappy about it, or you can
acknowledge that he is just a particle of the Universe that has achieved
his vibration in whatever way he has and let him vibrate however he
chooses while you fill your head or your mind or your day with thoughts
that feel better to you. And what will begin to happen is you will be
living in your endless loop while he is living in his endless loop, and
one or the other of you will then make the decision to join the other.

Q: Right. Part of what I -– and I'm a fixer, probably a typical woman,
I want to help people, sort of... so I want to fix him, I want to share
with him my delight and my joy, and I know that's part of where the
problem is, going in and....

Abe: Well, the problem with that, you see, nothing is more annoying to
the one being fixed (laughter) than to be in the place of not feeling
very good and have some bright-eyed, bushy-tailed person trying to fix
them. In other words, nobody wants to learn that they're the creator of
their own reality when they're in a place they don't like being. In
other words, you're wanting to watch for his time of connection before
you offer -– in other words, here's the rule of thumb: talk endlessly
to your mate as long as you are feeling good while you are talking.

Q: Okay.

Abe: In other words, share with him endlessly as long as you are feeling
good. And the most important thing that we would say to you about this
specific person is he is finding his own way of connecting, and his way
may not be your way, and it doesn't make his way wrong or your way right
or other way around. Because you are both wanting the same thing. We
promise you that there is not anything that he would want for you more
than for you to be joyful. But sometimes when a person is really joyful
and you want to be joyful but aren't, their joy just reminds you that
you're not where you want to be. And the response looks like they don't
really want you to be joyful when if you were to ask him, he wants your
joy as much as he wants life itself. He loves the fact that you are
joyful. And so what you have to do is not give so much attention to how
he's feeling.
In other words, how he's feeling is really much less of your business
than you think that it is. Don't give so much of your attention to how
he's feeling. Let your attention be about how *you're* feeling. And now
here's where it becomes a little complex, but here's where the answer
is: "How am I feeling about how you're feeling?" (Laughter.) "How am I
feeling about how you're feeling? Well, you're feeling crummy, and now
I'm feeling crummy about your feeling crummy, which means you now have
power in my experience."
And so what you're wanting '– you're wanting to feel good about him
feeling crummy. Now, how can you feel good about him feeling crummy?
(Laughter.) By understanding that it's temporary, by understanding that
he's not always [feeling crummy], by understanding that you sometimes
feel crummy too but that you can raise your vibration, by understanding
that in that crummy experience there is a rocket of desire that is going
off and by understanding that the rocket of desire is the nugget. By
understanding that his life experience is honing out something that is
very powerful. And sometimes you can stand back at a distance while he's
having this contrasting experience and as he gives birth to a rocket of
desire sometimes you can get a glimpse of the rocket even though he
can't. And so when your grumpy friend launches a rocket and you start
looking at the rocket instead of at your grumpy friend, now you're in a
place that you're helping. In other words, now you're anticipating on
his behalf.
That's what a true uplifter does –- you let the contrast produce the
rocket and you fixate on his rocket of desire even though he can't,
because when you fixate on someone you love's rocket of desire, they are
more likely to find vibrational harmony with it every now and again,
too. It's like you're a satellite dish beaming the signal and making it
more accessible to him.

OTHERS cont

Abe: But when you do the opposite, which is to say, "Oh. You're feeling
crummy. Now I'm feeling crummy," all that's happened is that he has
influenced you into a lower vibration when what you want is to influence
him into a higher vibration.

Q: And that's not what he wants anyway. To bring me down. Yes.

Abe: Last thing he wants. The last thing he wants is to be down
himself, you see. Nobody gets discouraged on purpose. Nobody feels
unworthy on purpose. None of you did it all at once. All of you did it
just one little thought at a time, and you'll get out of it one little
thought at a time, too. Oh, it is so exhilarating, it is such a gift to
give to a grumpy person (laughter), to be joyful yourself. Because every
part of him wants that, and there is an osmosis that begins to take
place. In other words, you just can't be around a joyful person without
either being driven to crisis or becoming more joyful yourself.
  And in either case, another rocket of desire will be born. In
other words, the crisis just produces stronger desire which makes the
happy person that is around you even more influential.
Think about it. No one can lose, no matter what the circumstances are,
because you can choose this end of the stick and focus upon it, which
means Law of Attraction will embellish and enhance and give you more of
that. Or you can focus on [the other] end of the stick which just means
that sooner or later you're going to shoot off a rocket of desire. And
so in either case the desire will be born within you, in either case you
will be the fulfilling of the intention that you established. The
question that we are asking here is how long are you willing to stand in
a place of not being a vibrational match to your desires? Why are you
tolerating the uncomfortable vibration?
We want to put it to you very bluntly, and so we will. (Laughter.) Why
are you using your husband as even a temporary excuse to not feel as
joyful as you want and deserve to feel? "I don't know, it's just habit.
  Doesn't feel very good, though."
It's because most of you have not understood what your guidance system
is, and most of you have not understood that you are wired selfishly.
That you are wired to feel good. You are wired to feel good. But so many
of you think that "now that I'm wired to feel good that means the rest
of the world should stand on its head in order to provide something
good-feeling for me to observe." And the rest of the world is not one
bit interested in satisfying your selfish desire because the rest of the
world is after *its* selfish desire, and that's the way it must be.
That's why everything continues to evolve. The one-celled amoeba is out
there in the ocean having its personal experience and having its
personal exposure to its personal experience, and its desire is being
born, and in the moment that its desire is being born Nonphysical is
answering it, and that is why it is evolving as it is. That is why all
things in this Universe are as they are. Everything is evolving because
the Universe is answering every selfish desire.

Q: The other thing, what you were just talking about is, it's kind of
like when I get to feeling so good and I'm confronted with his mood, it
brings to mind the question of since the rest of the world isn't as
joyous and hasn't reached that state, how can I feel about being there
myself when there's...?

Abe: Because you are selfishly wired, and because when you look in the
pile of sticks there are plenty of things you can look at. And because
what you're saying otherwise is, "How do I have the right to feel good
when there are others who do not feel so good?"

Q: Right.

Abe: And we say you can't get sick enough to make the sick ones well.

Q: (Laughing.) Right.

Abe: You can't get poor enough to make the poor ones prosperous. In
other words, that's not the way that it works. The way that it works
-– your only hope in helping anyone is to connect to the stream, and
when you connect to the stream then the Source energy flows through you,
and then whatever you are giving your attention benefits, you see. But
you must be selfish enough to keep yourself in vibrational concert with
that stream before you have anything to give anyone, you see.
You are joy-seeking beings who have come forth into what we see as the
perfect environment for desire to be born within you. What this workshop
is about –- we know you could speak it as clearly as we can now, we've
said it enough times to you today -– what your work is about is to
bring yourself into vibrational harmony with allowing the energy that is
you to flow. And in simple terms, what that means is your work is to
look wherever you stand, whether you are looking in the past, present or
future, your work is to consume your now with the thought that feels
best. With the thought that feels best, with the thought that feels
best, with the thought that feels best. And there are always choices
there for you. In other words, you can look at the hole in the wall or
you can look at the beautiful painting. You can look at the lightbulb
that is out or you can see the lightbulb that is working. You can look
at your mate in his positive aspect or you can look at your mate in his
negative aspect. You can look at your own body and find something that
pleases you or find something that doesn't. You can remember your
childhood and find something of pleasure or you can find something that
makes you feel discouraged. You can remember a compliment or you can
remember somebody down on you. You can remember your love or you can
remember your hate. In other words, you have that choice in every
moment, and you are the definers of that. You are focusers of energy,
that's what a creator is. A creator is someone who stands in their now
and focuses energy, and you are in the perfect environment to do that,
you see.
-– Abraham-Hicks  3/4/00

"You see when you’ve got somebody in your life that’s showing you negative things that you don’t want .You know what that means? You’re vibrating in harmony with those negative things that you don’t want. If you manage through your imagination or through your selective sifting, to achieve harmony with your desire . Its not possible for them to show you those negative things!!

Do you realize the gift that you have to give? Do you realize that you are uplifters? Now, what is an uplifter? An uplifter is someone who, some way or another, connects to Core Energy so that you are vibrating in harmony with Source Energy and then holds that Tone, no matter what, so that others may acclimate to it. That is the true definition of an uplifter. Setting your Tone. Most people don't set their own Tone. Most people let the circumstances that they are observing set the Tone. So if there is something good that they are observing, they feel great. But if there is something bad that they are observing, they feel awful. And that is the reason that, as humans, you try to do something that isn't possible. You think you have to control the behavior of each other. You think that you have to control the conditions around you before you can feel good. And so, you embark upon an impossible task of legislation and rules and laws and punishments and monitoring that never gets you anywhere except confused and buried and further from Source Energy.
http://www.abraham-hicks.com/Knowledge/Abraham/Newsletters/QJ04/settone.html